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Sneak Preview — The Sound of Music

I was directed by the Office of a prominent Senator to submit a full report with supporting documentation concerning the misdeeds of the 501(c)(3) organization, Legal Advocates for Abused Women, and their managing attorney, Katherine “Evidence Tampering” Wessling, who is also a member of the Board of Education of the non-accredited St. Louis Public Schools.

Exactly why it is so expensive to teach children to be unable to read when they naturally come out of the womb in this state is a matter outside of the scope of this report.

The following is a brief preview of the content of the first draft of that report, not blockquoted due to length.

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On August the 4th, I posted a silly song that I had written as a satire on the blog, “The Invisible Woman,” at http://nvisiblewmn.blogspot.com. This was after I had been reviewing some of the last e-mails that I received from her, and saw the words:

     I’d put a bullet in my stupid, worthless head.

And I thought, “Oh, no! Not that same old line again,” as it reminded me of the conversation with her mother, and the other occasions where I had heard her say the same thing— purely a manipulative statement; nothing of any substance. So, I wrote that into the chorus, as a matter of satirically portraying this:

     Put a bullet in your head
     Your stupid, worthless head

Not my finest work, mind you. It was based on the chord structure from some song either by the Eugeniuses or the Vaselines (I forget who did the song), key modulations and all.

Later, I would be accused of trying to make this woman commit suicide by publishing this song. Really, I thought that was already a matter of settled law, with the song, “Cop Killer,” by Body Count. I haven’t written any song entitled, “Go Brush Your Teeth,” and apparently her dental care is acceptable. The whole thing seems ridiculous to me.

Note: Matter of fact, I came up with a little ditty entitled, “Go Brush Your Teeth,” while I was taking a break from working on this document, 08Jan12, after thinking about that for a bit. It goes like this:

     Go brush your teeth
     Go and brush ’em, brush ’em
     Go brush your teeth
     Brush ’em ’round and ’round
     Go brush your teeth
     Yeah, little baby
     Go brush those choppers now – ow!

     Brush those teeth
     With some-a toothpaste
     Let that fluoride i-in!
     Brush those teeth
     Scrub that plaque off
     Brush and brush and brush ’em agai-ain!
     Oh, baby now!

     Go brush your teeth
     Go and brush ’em, brush ’em
     Go brush your teeth
     Brush ’em ’round and ’round
     Go brush your teeth
     Yeah, little baby
     Go brush those choppers now – ow!

So I don’t want anyone saying that I was the cause of tooth decay from now on.

Made me think of working out a little tune called, “You Need Mouthwash.” Something along the lines of:

     Go, go, go!
     Go and get some mouthwash
     Go, go, go!
     Go and get some mouthwash
     (x 2)

     You really, really, really, really
     Need some mouthwash
     Really, really, really
     Oh, yes you do!
     (x 2)

Look, if a grown woman comes up to you and tells you that she’s considering suicide because of some stupid song that said to “Put a bullet in your head,” the proper procedure is to chase that woman down with a net— and make sure you have a roll of duct tape with you to wrap her up with after you’ve caught her, because I’ve heard that crazy people like that can have super-human strength sometimes. And make sure you have a good, thick, heavy-duty net too, because you don’t want her breaking out of it and getting away.

( ….snip… )

Court St. Louis August 27th, 2009

So, I went to the hearing, and there was no hearing. I was advised by my attorney to enter into a consent order, after she had spoken with Katherine Wessling of Legal Advocates for Abused Women, and learned that Wessling planned on making the argument that this song I had written was an attempt to induce Salois to suicide. I was under the impression that they had to stick to the complaints specified in the original petition, but apparently such things are mutable.

I called two union halls of the American Federation of Musicians, one in Milwaukee and the other in Las Vegas. Both of them urged me to fight that claim in court. I was assured that it was perfectly legal to write any manner of song that I wanted to, and several other names came up at that time, but the only one I really remember is that of Eminem. But neither one of them was offering any assistance in paying for that big court fight, and I thought, even at that time, that I had already paid a lot of money out in attorneys’ fees.

I remember saying to my attorney, “What? Are they saying that I can’t go from C to G anymore? Do you know how common a chord change that is? What if I’m in E minor? Are they going to try to transpose it to G to try get me for a C chord?”

She assured me that I would still be able to play and write songs in E Dorian. I threatened that I would take it all the way to the Supreme Court if they tried to do anything to keep me away from the Dorian mode— and I meant business.

So, there was a consent order negotiated between two attorneys, and it came down to a pop/punk song. Later, this would give that song an added notoriety— especially so, as Wessling is a member of the Board of Education for the St. Louis Public Schools.

And so, billing it as “the song that was declared illegal in all 50 states” and “that some lady from the school district went to court to shut it down” and “has been said that hearing this song could cause people to commit suicide” gave the piece a certain charisma— a marketing tour de force that I could never have pulled off by myself. Had I known it would gain such attention, I would have made certain to write a much better song.

Now, this is the reason that those people are asking for federal grant money. This song was so important that it required the attention of tax-payer dollars.

( ….snip… )

In all, it took a little over two hours to negotiate that agreement before I would sign. There was a bit of give and take by both parties, as is usual in such negotiations. I thought this was a good faith agreement.

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There’s more to it than that, people. So stay tuned.

Down-tuned, that is.

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